This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
