I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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