just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
