i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
