Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
