8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
