Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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