He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
