I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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