Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
