Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
