I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
