Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
