LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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