What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
