opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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