its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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