someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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