Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
