R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
