This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
