I accidentally had phone sex last night
wakey wakey hands off snakey
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
