I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
