What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
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I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
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It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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