Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
