our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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