You're so nebulous sometimes
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
