I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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