So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
