I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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