i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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