how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
