Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
