that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
