I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
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Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
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It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.