I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you traded sex for a burrito?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
