hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize