Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
