Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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