i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
