Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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