How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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