she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
