Cold hands, warm shart.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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