Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
