Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
