i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
