You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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