The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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