i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
