I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We talked him into tasing himself.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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