I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
