Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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