I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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