I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
