Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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