____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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