I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
