I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
