how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
