just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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