there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
