god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
only you would photoshop your dick
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
