She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
