once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Randomize
