Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
