Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
