I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
