I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I love having hate sex.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
