Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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