Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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