your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
