how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
