I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize