I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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