Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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