Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
